it's all a dream. it has to be. there's no better explanation.
all of this is just a dream. every memory, every experience, every miracle and every disaster. it's all just a dream, it's not real. it can't be real.
ever since i was a kid, that was the feeling. when you're a child, the dream is more potent. the haze is thicker. but over time, you start to believe it. you start to immerse yourself in this dream, and it becomes real to you. but it never was, it never will be. it was always a dream.
there are places where the haze gets thicker again. there are times, there are things that make it thicker too. and as the haze gets thicker, the veil becomes thinner. you can see through the fabric of reality more easily. things start to really feel like the dream you're in. you start to understand. but it never goes too far, you're never just allowed to "wake up". you always have to come back down into the dream. there's no waking up from this one.
maybe dying is the only way to wake up. i don't want to believe that, but i don't know what else would do it. maybe there's someplace to go with a way out. maybe there's something out there that can take you. i don't know. i just know it can't be real. none of this can be real. i'm starting to believe that instead. none of this is real. and i'm tired of this nightmare.
i'm so, so tired of it. i can hardly take it anymore. i don't know. there just has to be some way out of here. i have to keep thinking about this. i can't let it go. even if i'm wrong, there's something to it. i know there is.